Moving Forward in Peace

I finally feel as though I am doing something measurably productive in terms of finding a job after graduation--my great thanks are owed to Dr. Oldenburg, Dean of the chapel and diaconal ministry advice guru for this.

Thinking about post-graduation life is like preparing to bungee jump off a bridge across a deep ravine. I'll be this kid with a Master of Divinity degree, preparing for consecration as a diaconal minister in the ELCA. (http://www.elca.org/Growing-In-Faith/Vocation/Rostered-Leadership/Diaconal-Ministry.aspx) I have little experience in the areas where I seek work--I'd like to work with immigrants and refugees and other forgotten people. Do I speak much Spanish or any African languages? Not really. No fancy degrees in social work or international development. . .just a heckuva lotta discernment experience and a lot of time thinking about theology. But you know what? I'm strong in my passion for accompanying the poor and disenfranchised, and that's not just because I strongly resemble them financially! God has gifted me with the desire to work with inspiration in little jobs to do what little I can. I am very thankful that I mean what I say and I mean what I do.

Ah, Beautiful Snow

Love the lovely snow. We've got somewhere around 2 1/2 feet between these two storms! (Checking the math. . .well, we had about 18" the first time, then as of last evening there were 8 more, and doubtless there's been 6 more overnight. . .that sounds about right). So, favorite things done so far in/because of these two storms:

-Cross-country walking in two-ish feet of snow behind the Refectory and Library
-Shoveling parties in the parking lot (but ow, my back still hurts)
-Introducing blueberry-SoCo snowtinis (even if only two people liked them, I will still be proud of this!)
-Watching the snow fall with Max and Alex Tomlinson (4 and 2 years old, respectively)

But you know, there were so many other good times. . .this list will suffice, though. Oh, more sledding this afternoon is on the schedule! :)

Charm City Chica

Suddenly, fast-forward a year and I'm doing my internship to earn my M. Div. And be consecrated as a diaconal minister. I'm at a social ministry organization, helping with communications. I'm learning to parallel park and I comfortably drive in big-city traffic and transport myself to new places on a whim.

Crazy. I would have never recognized myself from the vantage point of that North Carolina beach eighteen months ago. But I made it through CPE, through a bit of a vocational crisis, preaching in front of a bishop, a handful more of little heartbreaks, an armful of adventures. . .well, here I am. Ready again to assess my journey but not to take more than a breather in doing so.

Here we go all over again. :D

Life's a beach. . .and then you do CPE

So, I'm starting CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) tomorrow at New Hanover Regional Medical Center in Wilmington, North Carolina. I'm excited and nervous.. .and sometimes nervous and excited. . .and sometimes I have the crap freaked out of me. 24-hour on-call shifts, getting the hard questions about why God allows suffering in the world, being an actual active Christian leader, seeing severed limbs (I might be making that one up, I don't know yet). . .it all sounds overwhelming.

At least, though, I'll get in lots of beach time. I've gone with my host parent-people, Don and Trude, twice now at 6:30 in the morning to avoid the harsh sun and crowds! I'd be kinda nice to go there lots by myself to unwind. I might need it. . .you never know.

If you're reading this, would you mind praying for me? It's going to be a stressful summer, but I hope that God can help me find the means to process it all, relax a little, and learn good things about life and myself.

Oh, and incidentally, what does this make you think of? I think it's gonna be my new favorite band: http://www.thepow.org/

Can't Stay Away From The Corn

Let it not be said that Melissa Lynn May is not spontaneous.

Idou gar! This little seminarian is shirking her responsibilities for four days in order to see relatives in Iowa, of all places.

Don't get me wrong: this trip was a long time coming. My great-uncle John's not doing great health-wise, and I desperately need to sort through the junk I left in storage at Wartburg Seminary.

Besides, it will be good to close a chapter of my life there. . .close the door on some decisions I made in that place that I am way past now. I am no longer the person who took such violently self-destructive paths, but am rather a breaking bud, breathing fresh air and experiencing a bit of birthing pain.

In the meantime, hours and hours in a Toyota Camry towards the Midwest, finding old friends, making new ones, and keeping the metaphorical pastries warm in the oven, here I come!

By Grace Through Faith

Well, I've experienced quite a few challenges in the past few weeks, most of which were intellectual and emotional.

As for the emotional bit, I'll just say that I need to work on my self-confidence issues. I need to feel better about being just me, the me that has friends and may not ever make it to a history book, but is loved and appreciated for her uniqueness all the same.

School is rough. Greek-- oh, participles and contract verbs and third declension! Lutheran Confessions. . .I'm gonna have the fourth article of the Augsburg Confession hammered into my brain before long! And SO much reading! I'd forgotten that little detail since last time.

Oh, but I've had a lot of fun, too. Went on a trip to Virginia this past weekend with six seminary friends for our friend the Monsignor's church homecoming (he's nicknamed such because he's VERY high-church, and he lives about 20 minutes from my parents). During that time, we had to excavate my car from a ditch (no matter what anyone says, do NOT go off-roading in a Honda Civic), we broke into two churches, we got fed like royalty, and played much keepaway with stuffed animals and brownies. A good weekend, I'd say. :)

So much to do now. I must apply for a position for CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education, which is pretty much a required hospital chaplaincy for about ten weeks during the summer), must make travel arrangements for December-January, and in the meantime, schoolwork looms alarmingly.

But I feel hopeful. . .for the most part anyway. On Iona, I felt so very CALLED to do God's work, and here. . .well, it's easy to sometimes feel discouraged and lost in the crowd of people called to ministry. It's great to be among these people, but when a call to ministry is a given, the bar is set high. I just hope that through God's help, what I can be will be good enough.

Battlefields in the Dark

You know, everything with regard to school is going much better than I'd thought. In fact, I think that such a good time justifies a list.

Good Stuff about Gettysburg '06

1.) New friends, especially flirt-happy David and football-crazed Katie. Love these guys and our late-night war councils!

2.) Being infinitely more sociable than last time. What a difference time and transformation have made! Now I don't have TIME to mope around. . .too busy scrambling to finish assignments, playing board games, making Wal-Mart runs, working part-time, working out at the Y, and goofing off in general.

3.) Walking on pitch-black battlefields at midnight. So quiet, so requiring trust, so good with a companion. And lemme tell ya, these folks are absolute fiends about walking. A quick jaunt to Lee's statue and back takes an hour and gives you a lot to think about.

4.) Okay, I'm all about ecumenism, but it is nice to be among Lutherans and to get each other's jokes, especially the really pathetically common ones about green jello and Lutefisk. Yeah, I've heard 'em a million times, but at least we're all on the same page.

5.) A grab-bag of other experiences: dining with Dominican monks, hurling Greek jokes at one another ("What does Johnny Depp say when he plays golf? 'GAR!'" and "Idou! A squirrel!"), memorising the hours of the Beer Mart, the kazoo band for our flag football team, hours of Risk and creative procrastination. . .I'm really enjoying myself here.

Of course, add to all this the relative pleasantness (and pain) of a crush, and what do you get? Impending heartache, I'm sure. But for now, I'm just going to live and sing and get in some good belly laughs and learn a lot more about myself and God working in my life.

In the meantime, I miss you, tiny Hebridean island. I miss you, Lauren, and Sam, and Marie, and Moses, and Hannah, and Pip, and Ben. Matty, Hazel, Rhiannon. . . So many people my heart yearns to be close to again. But perhaps at Christmas. Christmas.